Revised Charge of the Parking Goddess
Charge of the Parking Goddess
Listen to the word of the Mother of parking lots;
who was of old called: Squat, Asphalta, Gladys,
Patty, Judy, and many other names:
"Whenever you have need of a parking space,
wether on your way to work or to the mall,
then shall you who travel upon concrete streets,
call out to me who is the Goddess of all parking spots.
I shall provide guidance to you who offer me jokes,
and you shall be free from parking tickets,
and as a sign that you are truly free,
you shall have grins upon your faces.
Behold, you shall tell me funny stories,
and laugh hysterically in my presence,
for mine is the delightfulness of the snicker,
and mine is also the innocence and liberation of the fool.
My law is the law of endless mirth,
so rejoice in the freedom and wisdom that are my gifts.
Take nothing too seriously,
for mine is a silly secret that every child knows,
that now calls to you as from some long forgotten dream.
Wherever you go, I shall prepare for your arrival,
and in the abyss of traffic confusion, I shall grant you peace.
P.S. - Candy bars and colas are my food offerings of choice."
Hear now the words of the Parking Goddess,
She who keeps our feet from too much walking,
and whose abundance manifests in parking lots everywhere:
"I, who am the beauty of the front row space,
and the fulfillment of the successful journey,
the mystery of being in the right place at the right time,
and the delerious laughter of the faithful,
I call upon your soul to arise and come unto me,
for I am the soul of the urban parking lot,
and from me all good parking karma is born.
Let my worship be filled with merriment,
for behold, all one-liners are my rituals.
Let there be pranks, riddles, and a playful spirit among you.
For if you who seek to know me will laugh without reserve,
then we shall be as one."
The Charge of the Parking Goddess is a traditional inspirational text used to worship the Blessed Parking Goddess (BPG).